We are all in uncharted territory right now and I think it's safe to say, most of us are feeling bored, lost, hopeless, uneasy and unsure.  Usually, we can see our friends and do fun things to distract from such unpleasant feelings, but here we are, stuck at home, unable to see anyone besides our immediate family.  Without any of us knowing how long that will last, we need to find ways to all get through these trying times.  Though no matter what you do won't bring back your normalcy until this is all over, it can help you cope and maybe even learn new skills.  So when you're feeling down and isolated, take a look at these tips and see if it may help!
1.  During this, know that your anxiety is completely normal​
    Anxiety is our bodies response to alert us of a threat or unsafe situation.  Right now, it's going to help you make decisions to keep you and others safe like social distancing and hand washing.  Although these feelings are normal and felt by many others, it's still important to talk about them with your family or other supportive adults in your life so you're not bottling them up.

2.  Create Distractions
    In dealing with difficult situations such as what we are currently facing, it's helpful to divide the problem into two categories.  Things I can do something about and things I can do nothing about.  Right now, I know a lot falls into that second category, but one thing that can help is creating distractions for ourselves.  At the end of this blog, I encourage you to share something you've been doing that has been a good distraction.  Maybe you'll give someone else a great new idea or read an idea you want to try yourself!

3.  Find new ways to connect with your friends
    Earlier this year and in the past, you've probably heard how social media has taken over and how you need to disconnect.  Well, we are faced with a very different situation now where social media can be a huge asset to connect with friends you're missing.  Join Houseparty and play games with your friends.  Join a Tik Tok challenge like #safehands.  Have friends send you a clip of them dancing and lip syncing all to the same song and make a video putting all the clips together.  Get creative and have fun!

4.  Focus on You
    This is a great time to try something you've been wanting to.  Have you wanted to learn how to draw?  There are some really good YouTube videos to help you learn.  Wanting to make a sports or dance team?  You can absolutely practice or condition at home.  Reach out to a current coach for things you can do at home or find some things on YouTube that you can work on to perfect your skill.

5.  Acknowledge your Feelings
    You have every right to feel disappointed by missing out on things you were looking forward to or milestones you won't be able to experience.  So what's the best way to deal with these disappointments?  Let yourself feel it.  Feel sad, feel mad, tune into your feelings and don't feel ashamed of them.  Everyone will process their feelings differently.  As long as you are not hurting yourself or someone else, process your feelings however it works for you.  Don't close people out though.  Talk about your feelings with your parents, friends or a trusted adult and then problem solve how you can work through those feelings to feel better.  

6.  Be kind to yourself and others
    Take care of yourself.  If you're feeling overwhelmed with e learning, take a break.  Advocate for yourself by asking your teachers questions and asking for help.  Do something you enjoy doing.  Try baking a cake, make a positivity board on Pinterest with uplifting quotes, things you want to try, places you want to go, etc.  Journal your feelings, draw, do a puzzle, color, do a Tik Tok video, etc.  Isolation can also make us crabby though and with that, sometimes we feel the need to attack others.  Remember, the feelings you may be feeling, loneliness, isolation, sadness, etc, others are feeling as well and the last thing they need is to be bullied.  Channel your energy into acts of kindness.  Think about how good it feels to lift up a friend's mood.  It can be something simple like sending them an old picture of a past memory you had or sharing a funny YouTube video you saw.  If you know someone is feeling down, Facetime them and figure out something you can do together (learn a dance, do homework together, write a song together).  I promise you, the feeling of lifting someone up outweighs the feeling of bringing someone down SIGNIFICANTLY.  I'd love to hear of some ways you have done this or plan to do this in the comments below.  

Please know that your teachers, counselors, social workers and all our staff are still here for you.  You are not alone in your feelings, I promise you.  Do the best you can, we all know this is an extremely difficult time.  Let us know what we can do for you!

All we have is the present moment.  Often we may let our thoughts wander to the past or future.  Think about the most enjoyable moment of your life.  Did this moment involve thinking or were you completely focused on an activity?  Chances are, you were completely focused on the activity.  Our minds are always running, sometimes without us even realizing it.  So how can we truly live in the moment?  To do this, we must give our normal daily activities the fullest attention.
Your past and future have no reality- your only reality is your present.  As you’re walking throughout your day, notice every stop you take, every movement and your breathing.  Focus completely on your activity without thinking.  Do this for all your daily activities. 
Fear, stress and worry come from too much focus on the future. Guilt, sadness and regret come from too much focus on the past.  When you focus on the present, you free yourself from these negative emotions. 
Follow these tips to help you focus on the present…

1.)  To improve your performance, stop thinking about it.

• If you’re in a situation that makes you anxious, like meeting a new friend or giving a speech in class, focusing on your anxiety tends to heighten it.  Focus less on what’s going on in your mind and more about what’s going on in the room.

2.)  To avoid worrying about the future, focus on the present.

• So often, we are so trapped in our thoughts about our future or past that we forget to experience and enjoy what’s going on now.  Savor and enjoy what you’re doing, listening to or feeling at the moment instead of worrying about when it will end.  To worry is to think about the future or future events that may never even happen.  In becoming present, the worry melts away. 

3.)  Be mindful, Be present, and Breathe

• Being mindful, or in the moment with your senses, boosts your awareness of how to react to what’s happening in your mind.  Focusing on the present gives your mind time to respond logically and thoughtfully instead of automatically and aggressively.  Being mindful increases self control.  So how do you create mindfulness in stressful situations?  It’s easy, just breathe!  There’s no better way to bring yourself into the present moment than focusing on your breathing.  Feel the breath come in through your nose, feel it fill your lungs and feel it come back out your mouth.  Concentrate on only the sensation of breathing to bring you back to the present. 

4.)  To make the most of time, lose track of it.

• The point of this is to get so completely lost in a task that you lose track of time and everything around you.  First, set a goal that’s challenging but doable.  Not so difficult that you’re stressed, but not so easy you’re bored.  Goals need to be clear so you always know your next step.  It can be as simple as turning the page of a good book.  Set up tasks in a way you receive immediate feedback with your successes and failures.  Over time, you start to feel a sense of accomplishment over the situation and it becomes rewarding. 

5.)  If something is bothering you, move toward it rather than away from it.

• Many times our stress and anxiety can come from trying to avoid other emotions and sensations.  We end up having emotions about emotions.  For instance, if a homework assignment has you stressed, we think, “I wish I wasn’t so stressed out!”  Our first emotion is our stress over the assignment, our second emotion is the feeling, “I hate being stressed.”  Allow yourself to accept the first emotion.  Be open to the way things are without trying to change the experience (predicting that the experience is going to end up terribly bad is different and should be avoided….seeing positive coping statements in an earlier blog entry).  The present moment can be only as it is.  Acceptance of an unpleasant state means that you accept that certain things are beyond your control.  It also doesn’t mean you have to like what’s happening.  If you feel anxiety for instance, you can accept the feeling then direct you attention to something else instead.  Watch your thoughts, perceptions and emotions go through your mind without getting involved.  Thoughts are just thoughts.  You don’t have to believe them and you don’t have to do what they say. 

6.)  Know that you don’t know.

• Have you ever been reading a book and gotten to the end of the page only to realize that you were so lost in your thought that you have no idea what you just read?  This is called mindless.  The best way to avoid this is to develop the habit of always noticing new things in whatever situation you’re in.  Once we think we know something, we stop paying attention to it.  By getting in the habit of noticing new things, we recognize that things are actually changing constantly.  It becomes an adventure in noticing and the more you notice, the more you see and the more excitement you feel.

Mindfulness isn’t a goal because goals are about the future, but you do have to set in motion to pay attention to what’s happening at the present moment.  Nothing happens next.  It’s not a destination.  Live in the moment.

What was a time that you were being mindful and in the moment at school or with friends.  A time you can remember that you felt no anxiety?  Comment Below.

This time of year, you may be busy studying for tests, doing homework and extracurricular activities. You want to make sure that you also take the time to relieve stress and enjoy quiet moments within. In this meditation, let’s use our imaginations to explore an enchanted forest to alleviate worries and stress.  In Guided Relaxation, usually someone will talk through the script as you close your eyes and let your imagination follow what they are saying.  If you do not have someone who can do this with you, can can always pre-record yourself talking through the relaxation exercise and play it back as you close your eyes and listen.  This is especially good to do right before bed to help you fall asleep.

To complete a Guided Relaxation, follow this script....

Gently close your eyes and take in a nice deep breath. Do this several times and allow your body to relax more and more with each deep breath. Notice how peaceful you become with this deep breathing. Notice how all your muscles begin to relax and feel good and loose. Continue to breathe normally now as I guide you on this marvellous adventure! Imagine yourself now, walking down a well-worn path in a beautiful forest. The trees have changed all their foliage and now you see an amazing display of colors – gold, red, orange and speckles of green. Leaves crunch beneath your feet as you walk along. The air smells so crisp and fresh. Its coolness tickles your nose and ears. It feels so very wonderful to be out here, in nature, enjoying the beauty of this place. In the distance you hear a waterfall, and you carefully walk towards the rushing water sound. As you come to the path’s end, you see the rushing stream. You see the most beautiful white waterfall right in front of you. It’s so calming and looks as if wet sunshine is cascading down onto large rocks. The sound of rushing water relaxes you. The water must be pretty cold because its fall now and days are growing shorter. Soon there may even be snow. Sit down a while and enjoy the spectacular scenery. Listen as the water pounds down on the rocks. Here any stress or worries you have seem to be washed away for good. The sound of the waterfall gushing down seems to make you relax more. It clears your mind and washes away any frustration and difficult thoughts. Allow the sounds to wash any worries away… just let them go. You may notice that you’re feeling calm and relaxed here in this place. This magical forest dressed up for fall is a special place just for you. You can come back here at any time to calm your body and mind and let go of any worries or stress. You know that everyone has worries and stress sometimes. The difference is that you know how to deal with them. When you want to relax and find peace, you can come here just by thinking of this place and imagining yourself here. This calm, peaceful place by the waterfall invites you to wash away your worries or stress anytime. You feel so good and refreshed now. You can feel renewed fresh energy entering your body and refreshing you completely. You’ve done a terrific job today. Now, you can just drift off into wonderful, deep sleep for beautiful dreams and a very peaceful night. Goodnight and sweet dreams. 

If you have tried this, please leave a comment below on how it made you feel.

People send mental messages to themselves all throughout the day.  These messages are called “affirmations” because they affirm and reinforce ideas.  Sending yourself negative affirmations will increase your stress level.  Sending yourself positive affirmations will help you to feel more peaceful.  When we know a situation is going to be unpleasant, we often tell ourselves how awful or terrible it is going to be.  As a result, we may actually cause the situation to be just as bad as we think or worse. 

Coping statements are truthful positive statements used to replace the negative and untrue thoughts that take-over when you feel anxious, stressed, angry and/or when facing other overwhelming situations. Coping statements can help decrease anxiety, depression, and negative self-judgment. When we’re especially upset, it’s easy to get caught up in our negative, self-defeating thoughts, so it’s important to counter-act them with healthier responses. Even if the statements feel awkward or untrue at first, try to keep repeating them often; the more you use them, the more they will become the “tape” in your head, rather than your old loop. Remember, it took you years to entrench your now habitual negative thoughts and behaviors; it takes time and consistency to create new habits. The good news is that the human brain is quite plastic, so we can actually re-condition ourselves and create new neural pathways.

That’s why preparing coping statements and writing them onto coping cards that you carry with you makes sense.  Whenever negative self-talk gets you down, pull out your coping card and read your positive affirmations until you feel better.  It sounds too simple to work, but it does work, and since it’s so simple, you can make your own cards right now.

Writing a Coping Card

It’s all well and good to write out coping statements – but who can remember to use them, or even remember them at all – in the heat of the moment?!!

Because it is difficult to remember your coping statements once you start feeling overwhelmed, it is helpful to write out a number of statements on a small card that you can carry around easily in your pocket at all times.

With this card on you at all times, you can pull it out and read the statements to yourself whenever you need to – no memory required.

You may want to write out different cards for different situations that provoke stress or panic – or whatever you struggle with. The cards work best when filled with statements that specifically apply to you and to the situations you face.

 

Tips for Writing a Coping Card

Write the statements in your own words – not in language you wouldn’t use or don’t feel comfortable with (avoid formal or academic language.)

Write statements that specifically target your problem – if you are stressed out over a presentation, write about that.

Write statements that are reassuring, but also realistic and truthful. If you struggle with pain, repeating, “I don’t feel pain” probably won’t help (you won't fool yourself.) A more accurate and thus more useful statement, might be, “This pain won’t last forever.”

Keep statements brief and easy to memorize – so you won’t have trouble remembering and repeating your statement when feeling overwhelmed (when you need them most.)

How to Use your Coping Statements

Use your statements whenever you feel stress, panic, feelings of being overwhelmed, etc., coming on.

If using your statements to beat out negative thoughts in a crisis situation:

Read them out loud (if possible) and repeat them until you start to feel better.

If one statement in particular helps calm you most, just continue to repeat that statement to yourself.

Try to breathe slowly and deeply as you read your statements.

Examples of Coping Statements

-I’ve done this before so I can do it again.

-I’ll be glad I did it when this is over.

-I’ll feel better when I am actually in the situation.

-I’ll just do the best I can.

-By facing my fears I can overcome them.

-Worry doesn’t help.

-Whatever happens, happens. I can handle it

-I can feel stress and still deal with this situation.

-This is not a real emergency. I can slow down and think about what I need to do.

-This feeling will go away.

-By staying present and focused on my task, my stress will decrease.

-Things are not as bad I am making them out to be.

-Don’t discount the positives.

-Stay focused on the present. What do I need to do right now?

-It will soon be over.

-It’s not the worst thing that could happen.

-Step by step until it’s over.

-I don’t need to eliminate stress, just keep it under control.

-Once I label my stress from 1 to 10, I can watch it go down.

-Take a breath.

-I need to stay focused on the positives.

-People aren’t against me, they’re for themselves


Can you think of a positive coping statement you think would be helpful? In the comments sections, write down a negative self talk statement followed by a coping statement you may use to combat it.